May 26, 2009

Hola

Hey I'm back and will be posting some pics of the trip soon.

In the meantime, I'll see you at Tricks and Drinks tonight.

And here's something that B.Ridget thought you might all like to see

and here's an excerpt from the Stuff White People Like book sent to me by Dirty:

#61 Bicycles

A good place to find white people on a Saturday is at a bike shop. Bike Shops are almost entirely staffed and patronized by white people! But not all white people love bicycles in the same way. There is much diversity. First up, we have the younger urban white folks who absolutely love their fixed-gear bicycles. These are seen all over college towns, Silverlake in L.A., Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Queen West in Toronto, and Victoria, British Colombia. Fixed-gear bicycles meet a lot of requirements for white-person acceptance. They can be made from older (i.e. vintage) bicycles, thus allowing the rider to have a unique bike that is unlikely to be ridden by anyone else in town. They are also easily customizable with expensive things: Aerospoke rims, Phil Wood hubs, and Nitto parts. The combination of rare bicycles and expensive parts makes it easy for white people to judge other white people on the quality and originality of their bicycles. This is important in determining if someone is or isn’t cooler than you.



Some white people also like mountain bikes because they let them be in nature. It really isn’t any more complicated than that.



And finally, many white people love expensive road bikes and the accompanying Spandex uniforms. These enable them to ride long distances and to wear really tight clothes without any social stigma. This type of rider will spend upward of $5,000 on a bicycle and $400 on accessories but will not ride to work­—perhaps because they cannot wear the Spandex there. It is important that you never question why someone needs a $5,000 bicycle, since the answer is always “performance.”



For the most part, these rules are unisex. But there is a special category of bicycle that appeals far more to white women: the European city bike. White women have a lot of fantasies about idealized lives, and one of them is living in Europe and riding around an old city on one of these bikes. They dream about waking up and riding to a little café, visiting bakeries and cheese shops, and finally riding home to prepare a fancy meal for their friends, who will all eat under a canopy decorated with white Christmas lights. This information can be used to help gain the trust/admiration of a white woman, especially if you can pull off a lie about how your mother used to do all these things when she was younger.



And of course, it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to talk about how they are saving the Earth. If you know a person who rides to work, you should take them aside and say, “Hey, thanks. Sincerely, the Earth.” Then give a thumbs-up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.

2 comments:

Amanda said...

hey im from victoria, british "colombia". nice.

i dont think we have that many fixed gears...lots of those whimsical white ladies though.

G.S.GUCCILIFE said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!